Whatever, IBO has planned for me for this coming May, I just keep saying to myself, nothing can tear me apart with Allah by my side. Of course. Without realizing, how fast time left me by, these 2 years, I haven't smell the combination of carbon and the touch of paper crisp for real. With the deep feelings to understand the words and phrases. Seriously, I miss travelling. Literally, since my family is not that rich to take me all over the world. But Alhamdulillah, grateful enough to give me money and buy some books. Should I classify them differently?
Alhamdulillah, I am in Usrah though at first, it was really hard for me to stay in for long. I did rebelled. Pondering, how rusty my heart was, and again, Allah guide me through my acquaintances to find His blessings. Funny thing I thought I would not be one of them. Just different. Thoughts by thoughts flooded my Usrah's discussion. Questions and answers were all I seek. Indeed, the jahiil (not understanding Islam) was flowing in every acts I did, though I AM A MUSLIM. I did not see things, as they supposed to be seen. Everything happened without any coincidence. There is no such thing as coincidence. Every words I typed, every words I've recorded and even the views of you towards me were all with Allah's permission.
Knowing, that sometimes I am annoying asking too many things about this and that in Islam, what is more for someone who does not understand Islam themselves? I feel pity to them, and to myself noticing that, majority of us still in vague with the real mission about their existence. I am not perfect either. I am a girl next door, trying harder to be a better muslimah. The faith that need to be strengthened through ibadah (good deeds), only Allah knows how hard it was for me to stay constant. And indeed to push it higher.
I envy Syed Qutb. His faith and intellectualism in describing his belief in Islam. Subhanallah.
Allah decides upon who He wants to choose to have the hidayah (light). Once He has chosen you, do not let the light deviate from you. You do not want to ask for it, desperately during the Judgement Day from others. A reflection from Al-Hadid; 12-16.
Indeed, Allah will test me with these words I typed. May He gives me the ease to be in the journey to find His blessings. Amin.