I ought to read Economics book right now, but my mind starts to wander off to place that could actually bring the joy in me. There is something about rain that makes me off somewhere within the wall inside me. It is a pleasure yet, it is sadistic in way you cannot reach it.

As I reflect back to what the Usrah reveals to me and others about "Pause jap", I was really asking myself whether I am using my whole life with the deep sincerity just to be a good servant. I am asking too much from The Almighty, and sometimes, I did not even realized that, I have gotten it all. Still, I ask a lot from Allah.

Every now and then, I tried to heal those pain and fill the spaces. Merely, thought I can do it myself because I am in charge of it. Looking beyond the glass windows, thinking how much I care about others rather than how much I suppose to care about my connection with Allah. All way down to this? Easier than I thought.

Certainly not. I don't deserve this. Astaghfirullah.

And I know, why. Allah wants me to be closer to Him. To ask Him anything. To be protected under His blessings withal the reply from Him.

Today, the mixture of the emotions kick me in nowhere. Lost in the middle. Yet, I can feel the tranquility given by Him. Or at least I am reminded to.

Though I prefer to sit alone leaving other in their own situation, admittedly, I do not learn anything. I know I am way too personal. As everybody busy chasing their life, I was given chance to stop and stare.

Think. Reflect.



Study for Allah.
Study for Islam.

DEEB.

THIS WEEK :

1. Lab report CHEMISTRY
2. Open book quizzes
3. Handbook Chemistry y,
   
4. Math Tutorial
5. A-level probability exercises.
6. Malay Tok Perak analisis
7. English Argumentative Essay
8. TOK, Sense of perception
9. KO-Q, Presentation Bowling games
10. CAS!
11. Lab report Biology
12. FOLIO Agama
13. Hafazan Yasssin
    
14. Night of HOPE
15. Tennis Meet, coaching session
16. Tennis match
17. Taekwondo tournament, Referee

I REALLY NEED TO SPEND MY TIME WITH ALLAH.

PLEASE GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO FACE ALL THIS.

AS YOU ARE THE AR-RAHMAN AND AR-RAHIM.

ADIBAH, SI BIJAK, BAIK, RAJIN, CANTIK, SOLEHAH :)

Okay sangat. Aku tak tau la kenapa yang menjadi bahan ujikaji di hadapan kelas mesti aku. Bukan sahaja dalam kelas Mathematics, Chemistry mahupun Economics, aku seringkali diuji dgn pelbagai soalan yang kadang kala memang aku tak pernah nak faham. Haish, mungkin muka aku yang blur atau kabur-kabur ataupun lebih tepat mengantuk tahap nak kena baling kasut, agaknya?

Terima kasih kepada rakan semeja aku, Hard kerana sentiasa memastikan aku alert dengan panggilan nama aku. Aku panas la jugak bila kertas Maths aku jadi bahan dalam kelas, walaupun cikgu tak state kertas siapa. Tambah bengang bila, dibandingkan dengan Gordon. Heh, memang tak puas hati betul aku la masa tu. Nak cerita kat sini bahawa, paper orang lain teruk jugak kecuali Gordon. Tapi, kenapa mesti aku jugak yang kena? Pssst.

Aku cuba berfikir, merenung, dugaan apa yang Allah nak cube berikan kepada aku. Yang penting aku tau, atau memang aku perasan sorang-sorang, cikgu memang minat kat aku, KOT? Walaupun Cikgu Kamariah sentiasa dengan ketegasan beliau, tapi, at least aku menjadi tempat beliau meluahkan rasa tak puas hati dengan budak kelas aku, sebab mungkin aku ni out going sangat. Ataupun memang muka aku ni penyinar kelas? Aku tak pasti.

Cik Nisa, mahupun Rahil, ataupu Cik Hard jarang-jarang menjadi tembakan cikgu. Aku cemburu betul. Tapi, bila masa English, mulut aku ni pula non stop speeding. Agaknya, memang aku dah build up terlalu high communication skill. Susah jugak kalau tak boleh control cerita. Pok pek je.

Aku sedang menanti waktu genting. Waktu yang menentukan pencapaian aku di sini, sama ada aku menjadi bahan ujian ataupun menjadi sesuatu yang dinilai. Maka, aku serahkan segala keputusan itu kepada Allah SWT.

Aku takut tapi, dalam masa yang sama wujud sikap positif dalam diri, aku panggil dia Cik Melur.

Signifikan kah? Hmpph.

Apapun, mesti cari strategi nak pujuk Itri, baru terlepas cakap, dan rasa sangat bersalah. Teruk betul :(



Okay, chalo bette.

Deeb :)

I always mention something about God fearing when I feel something happen to me. Why eh? Should I leave the question unanswered? Or, you readers interpret all the matters? Never did I regret that everything happened has its own reason, the mutually natural situation.

Alhamdulillah, I did my manifestos. Not so good, but I was there on the stage, giving up all the best I could. Whatever happen next, I'll let it flow by Allah, as He knows whats the best. He is always there. Am I being a typical person by saying same thing all over the phase? The answer is no, as I know Allah is the best place you can count on. Because complaining something to Him, is actually a moment where you can say anything in your heart. Im not saying that I am the alim kind of person. But, come again, He is the place I've been seeking to whenever I need strength.

Regarding the manifesto night, most people will actually judging me by my expression, perhaps? Hmpph, I am totally sorry for making up some over the rainbow expression. I was tired the whole day, and yeah, was kind of shocked too. But, all in all I am great! Adibah.. she is full of something. PFFTS

Well, there are a lot of thing happened lately. The HOPE. Tennis practice and even the loads of reports that have to be submitted the next week. It has been a long time since I left my whole packing time during my time in Beseri. Now, I miss the busy-ness.

Definitely, I will be facing some kind of challenge within this week. Because, I know, I am afraid if the strength is not there when I am totally need it, I just fail to keep the trust again in myself. I do really hope Allah lend me The Prophet Muhammad's strength, the one and only.

Alhamdulillah, I am currently not trying to attach myself with anyone. I do pray for this will not happen to me especially here in KMB. No way. If have one, he is not from here. Or maybe he is just lost out there looking for me. Hahaha.

I am hungry and hoping that Ayah will come here and buy me a zinger burger. Seriously, I need fast food.

JPAM meeting was full with p!@#. I felt really doubt of going there again and meet the GS guy. He has this high imagination towards girls and some sexual attraction. Geli la. EEEE.

Dahlah, lab reports sudah memanggil saya. Pergi dulu ye?


I need Mars bars,

Deeb .

As months of stay in Banting passed by, without even reflecting some of the inflection, neglecting some people around me, acting numb and even blurriness towards the whole life I would actually blend into this life for another 21 months here. I love the facts it is only 30 minutes journey from here to my home. Phew.

I do not want to judge anything about people. However, things are really come forward to me and I am acting numb as it is not my issue. Truthfully, it is actually distract my reputation and my feelings. They just don't get the real thing about any issue that keep on coming my way.

I was numb, and here was pain, trying to make its way, wanting to be acknowledged. Forceful, you were. Though I tried and tried to become ignorant, I tried to err on the side of optimism where things would always work out alright, if not alright, it would always work out the way He knows whats best, and hence I let it flow. But something is just not right. Something, just bothers my system.

It is all about the intention that you have set up as the mission that is always there to accomplish. Sometimes, I do take note of being so optimistic, but sometimes, I let it go beyond the dark side of me. Thinking how cruel life is.

I am not sure to love or hate you. Somehow, I forgot how to fall in love again or the worst part is to have the faith towards someone you are devoted to. Admittedly, now, I am not even sure I am talking about you or the other guy I just met.

Am I shifting the thoughts? Or losing the hope?

I mean, you have nothing to lose, and you have nothing to expect too. It is too vague. I do not know how far can I go with the expression and the terms from people around me anymore. Despite I have learn lots of thing to get the track with feelings. Something you cannot be forced to, but can be spread into the feelings itself.

I don't know how much longer I can go with the terms anymore. It is more difficult than the formula of e=mc2, that is the emotion. What do you expect?

Should I be rebellious against the law of attraction? Like I can handle them much.

My problem is.

I am making too many STUPID assumption about something, even it is about you and your unwashed hair. Nah.

Too clairvoyant, then it comes true.

Sheesh. I AM JUST NOT INTO HIM, okay? This is public truth.


These wall,
Deeb.

Today is 7th of Syawal where the radio still plays the Raya songs, indeed the Raya mood is still here with me however, currently in KMB. No idea I have been so keen about volunteering the Sambutan Kemerdekaan Day stuff. It's very quiet here, luckily there are, Aimi and Fats, at least they fill up the full version of the tranquility in the block. Oh, and the drama team Izzati, Zack, Bazy, etc. Okay, they do really making the out-of-harmony zone.

I already miss Ibu, Ayah, Muhammad, Amirah and the other two cat and dog sister, Atiqa and Aqila. The fact that they are the six people who actually makes my day. It's a sudden confession when you are actually left abandon here alone. Without anyone, shouting at you to prepare the breakfast or wash the dishes.

Okay, whatever. It's the fact I am surviving the life as the IB-ers.

Oh, peeps, nak kecoh jap, I bought a new phone. I really live my current phone. Though it is not as expressive as any Iphone, or XpressMusic Nokia or any form of Blackberry, I truly appreciate the existence of this Sony Ericsson W508i.


To me, she is perfect. Affordable, and suits me well. Good bye my Nokia (I don't know the series). Thanks for the memory that you and I had. Isk isk isk.

Kenapa tetiba ada lagu Raya banyak sangat ni? Kan dah sedih. Nak balik! :( Tu laa, pepandai sangat nak volunteer. Dah la Astro kat bawah takde movie package. Ugh.


Dah la nak sambung habiskan Malay A1.


*Kenapa Ibu saya mempunyai hati yang sungguh mulia? SANGAT SANGAT? Nak peluk dia kuat kuat :(


Deeb.